In keeping with the trends of the day, there is a nationally planned protest that will take place this Saturday in Washington D.C. Over one million protestors are expected to storm the National Mall with the aim of stopping a long-standing tradition in the United States and in a few other countries. The anniversary of what these protestors see as a genocide, needs to be addressed and ended immediately. “It has been allowed to carry on for far too long and if we are to be included in the realm of equality, acceptance and tolerance, the countries who are participating in this travesty need to cease and desist now!” a spokesman for the group told Wolf News last night on the Nate Cavallo show.
In case you are not aware, this Saturday, August 31 marks the 27th Annual celebration of International Bacon Day. The day we are encouraged to eat as much bacon as we want, or as much as we can! It was established to celebrate the idea that bacon is not just a breakfast staple, but it can used and eaten in a variety of ways, and all of them should be explored on August 31st.
As you may have already guessed, there are those who are against the protest and promote the consumption of the greasy comfort food, and they are also willing to stand up for what they believe. These too will have a voice on the issue and will no doubt be out in force this Saturday in Washington as well. The D.C. Police will be there and will attempt to keep the protest peaceful, and we have all seen how well that has worked out in the recent past.
The spokesman for the protestors is well known and is a sort of celebrity especially among the more mature of us. His name is Porky Pig, and he was chosen after first choice for the position, Kevin Bacon was not available. Mr. Pig was able to make his position well known on the Nate Cavello show, and was very articulate. “We of the swine community would like to join with other groups who feel disenfranchised by the current situation in this country and need our voices and concerns to be taken seriously. For far too long we have been harvested and sold off as property and we are fed up with it. We want everyone to know that celebrating a day where we are being slaughtered and eaten like this is just too much to take. This is the 21st Century and we need to be replaced by synthetic bacon, or even plant-based bacon entirely,” Mr. Pig argued. Cavello asked, “What do you hope to accomplish from a protest like this?”
“Look, Nate, we may be pigs but, we do see what is happening in the world. We see that there are other groups who are saying that they feel unrepresented, or are being pushed to the back of the line and ignored. We know that one protest is not going to make this stop. History has shown us that it will be a long haul before we see change, but we don’t want it to take 200 years until something is done about this. The sizzling has to stop! Our slogan is, ‘Stop the Sizzle of the Grizzle!’ Did you know that on average, 268 million Americans consume 5.6 billion with a ‘B’ pounds of bacon a year. That means that 217 million of my species had to die for your breakfast specials, BLTs, and salad toppings. We want the carnage to end and the genocide to stop!” This was the message Porky Pig gave to the entire nation, or at least to those who watch The Nate Cavello Show.
Apparently, there are many celebrity swine who share Porky’s sentiments. Several of Hollywood’s elite ‘Sus scrofa domesticus’ have been taking to social media and X, formally known as Twitter, in support of the elimination of International Bacon Day. Pumba, from The Lion King posted, ‘We need to come together and stop them from killing our fellow pigs for this holiday! It is a horrible thing to see a young swine cut down in his prime for 23 pounds of bacon.’ Smaller rallies have been popping up across the country in support of the thousands who will attend Saturday’s event in D.C. In a staggering show of unity, all 503 Piggly Wigglet markets in the United States will allow organized pigs to use their storefronts to circulate a petition to stop the holiday. ‘I think this is a wonderful gesture on the part of these stores. They are giving us a place for our voices to be heard. Please come out and sign the petition.’ A visibly emotional Piglet of Winnie the Pooh fame said in an interview.
At the time of this writing, we were informed that Miss Piggy is putting together a number of popular pig artists for a free concert to promote the idea and they are calling it, ‘Swine Aid’. So far, the performers will include: Miss Piggy herself, a quartet of the Three Little Pigs with the Big Bad Wolf, a new band called, Lipstick on a Pig, old timers, Pig in a Poke, and Wilbur and the Beach Pigs in a Blanket. The event will be emceed by none other than Arnold the Green Acres Pig who is coming out of retirement for the cause.
“I feel that the least any American can do to show their support is to abstain from bacon especially this Saturday,” Nate Cavello said closing his show for the evening. A spokesman for the pig farmers of America said, ‘So, what’s next? Turkey’s, cattle, chickens, and eventually sheep? Give me a break! When will it end?” When pigs fly!!
Stop the Sizzle of the Grizzle
