Photo by Patrick Ray
It is the size of a baseball, and it moves at a speed of 8 to 21 inches per second. For the next three months, these fast-moving creatures will be out in force, making their way across thirteen US states. Arizona and California included. Each one of them can cover a distance of 50 miles to find what it is they are looking for. I should probably tell you two things about these magnificent creatures. One, all of the creatures traversing these many miles are male. Two, they are Tarantulas.
Tarantulas are burrowing spiders who create ambush situations for unsuspecting prey. They dig a hole, crawl into it as far back as possible and throw out a thin layer of sticky netting across the top. Once a smaller creature ventures into the Tarantula’s trap, the spider springs at it and takes it inside to devour it in a nice peaceful feast. It is July 31, and our arachnoid friend cuddles with itself after a last burb, and falls asleep. He has a restless not so good night.
During the night he is being bombarded by hormones and hot flashes. When he opens his eyes the next morning, he feels like going out of his lair to take a trip. This odd feeling goes on for days, weeks, and finally during the fourth week, he looks outside and decides it’s time to leave the den. For what, he’s not sure of yet. All of his male neighbors appear to be feeling the same thing.
Our friend knows he has to be somewhere, but where? It has to be so frustrating. Foraging for food, digging for water, escaping the claws and teeth of predators. Fifty miles of danger and scary surprises around every rock and beneath every bush. Then, after a short while, the male realizes why he is putting himself through all of this. In all of the short time he has been alive and living his life with no cares or fears, he had no idea of what stress was. Now, he clearly sees all of this is for his only chance at love!
Our little eight-legged boy has grown up and he’s ready to start a family of his own. Sort of like the Kenny Rogers song that in part says, ‘…. you picked a fine time to leave me Lucielle. With 400 children and a …” That is what he will have once he finds the female Tarantula of his dreams. She will easily give him between 400 and 500 egg babies! What a proud daddy he will be. Funny, all he can think of though is, wow, that’s a lot of shoes!
But it is thoughts like that that keep him scampying along. Sniffing the air for her pheromones and smell of the new life he has ahead of him. He will not get lost because tarantulas have a built-in nocturnal navigation system to keep them on the right track to true love. Even so, he decides to rest. As he lays there in his newly dug ambush cave, he thinks, maybe it is wiser to travel by night and sleep in the heat of the day. The tips of his fine hairs are scorched. That can’t be right he whispers. “It’s not,” says a voice from outside the cave. Should he be in fight mode? “Relax. I’m with you mate. I’m just looking for love too. So far in all the wrong places.” Our friend crawls out of the cave. “Tell ya what…mate,” he says. “You can have this cave. I’m a night mover from now on.” Our guy moves on. Afterall, no self-respecting female would want a guy with scorched ends.
At an average of 20 inches per second, that amounts to a trip time of over 20 days including sleep, for our four-inch hairy loverboy to travel 50 miles! There are so many love songs that come to mind right now, it boggles the mind and heart. Finally, he is at day seventeen and he is tired, but his inner self, his instincts for love and his pent-up sexual frustration push him onward! She has to be close. The aroma of his true love is circulating around his head and eyeballs. He can feel her gentle breath and see her soft, hairy, spiny underbelly. She has to be close! He can sense her and he can see the rest of his life with this lovely spideress. He fumbles around a clump of dirt, and a small rock rolls away and he sees it! It’s her woman cave! Her sanctuary, her inner sanctum. He hears her call out to him, and with all of the strength left in his body, he slides into the ambush cave and their eyes meet! They see each other in the multivision of their eight eyes and embrace their sixteen legs around one another. Bam! Bang! Boom! Just like that, it’s over. 50 miles of grueling, treacherous terrain, death skies filled with every flying creature of doom, and the heat of a fiery sun, for that?! Wait for it, folks.
He slides aside and sighs heavily. Completely satisfied with his journey. He opens his eyes and over him is a set of the hugest fangs he had ever seen, and another bam, bang, boom! She sinks her teeth into him, he has been poisoned, he dies and she eats him. End of story, end of the trail. His last words? “The things we do for love. But I won’t do that!” No! “I should have given her that bouquet of crickets!!”
So, if you encounter one of these lovestruck travelers, please, don’t kill it! Let him be on his misguided way. He is on a quest of doom, and besides, his mate will take care of that for you.
