Writing Out Loud: They Pluck, Wax, Nair, and…..

By George Stahl
Special to the Sun

To date, if you haven’t noticed, in both the Marvel Comic Universe and the DC Universe, there are far more male super heroes than there are female saviors of worlds and guardians guarding the universe. The reason, some so called experts of these sort of things say, is that comic books were first geared towards a demographic of preteen, pimple popping, chewing gum chewing, boys. Girls saw these things as nonsense and those who read them were nerds that they would never, ever, be seen talking to at school.

Remember, those words came from experts. My how things have changed. Captain America, Thor and even on occasion, Iron Man have been seen talking to their female Avengers as equals, and have even been seen having their backs saved more than once by one of these femme fatales on the big screen.

#femalesuperheroealert. In the real world, women do things that men could never do, nor would be willing to try more than once. Women are beautiful. No question. But at what expense? A huge one for sure, for instance, when a woman looks in the mirror and sees an eye brow hair that is longer than the rest, she does not hesitate before picking up a pair of tweezers and promptly plucks that intruder from the tender skin above her eyelid. Ouch! Her counterpart, a guy, superhero or not, reaches for a pair of scissors and snip, it’s gone. No pain, no eye-watering and no yelling words not allowed here.

Yes, sir folks, women pluck, wax, Nair, and bear children. Along with the Viking like eyebrow grooming, the same lady, will make quick use of her mustache by repeating the same procedure on her upper lip. This time she will systematically pluck each unwanted hair, one at a time. In this case, however, Wonder Woman here will need to take periodic pauses in the grooming process to let the pain subside enough for her to continue. Wiping the tears from her eyes, she gathers her composure and bravely resumes the plucking ritual. She resembles a person peeling onions at this point, and her lip is as red as Rudolph’s nose, but she must go on. There are more hairs to pluck. Some women who are not willing to go the route of the tweezer, opt-out for using a product called Nair. But this too requires the aid of a girl superhero at times. Nair has a tendency to leave a burning, itchy, feeling, along with a rash, hives and swelling on some people. Nevertheless, that nasty girl mustache has to go before she starts to look like Tom Selleck, or at best, Groucho Marx, (Who?). Yeah, I know, some of you brave, fearless, stronger than dirt women will get the reference. ‘Just say the secret word.’

Waxing! OMG! What’s that all about? Take, for example, leg hair. Oh man, use a razor for Pete’s sake already. Melted hot wax smeared on with a stick, and let dry. Then, go back when it no longer feels sticky, grab an edge and yank really, really fast and hard. The hardened wax comes off and takes a swath of hair from the leg with it. There are a plethora of female razors advertised every day that has to be a better option than this sort of inquisition type torture to groom yourself. Use a razor blade, save a bee!

Then there is the ultimate in female superheroes. Thor, Hulk, Superman, Batman, Captain America, Black Panther and Iron Man would never, ever do anything like this, even if it meant saving the world from total destruction. Childbirth? Close, but no epidural. We are talking about the ultimate in sacrifice, pain, and possible heartbreak. Taking on the role of mother, wife, and W.I.C. (Woman in Charge.) Every on-screen superhero has an alter ego, and to have one that requires even more superpowers than the lady who can fly, lift cars and ward off bad guys, is not something our fellas are willing to do. For the males of Marvel and DC, being a super hero is something they can turn off when the villains are at bay, but for our females, it’s a 24/7 gig. Superhero by day, Super Woman by night. Until…

Enter, S.H.E. (Super Heroes Extraordinaire.) Yes, ladies of muscle and brain, it is time to unite under the banner of the S.H.E. and end this sort of discrimination once and for all. This is the biggest fight of your superhero careers. Time for the claws, swords, shields, capes, and cloaks of dome, and all of them out of this world super sort of high kicks, karate chops, lasso of truth, and whatever that ice stormy stuff is about, to come out and show these male super, chauvinistic heroes, what you are all about.

You do not have to keep in the background anymore. This is the 21st Century, 2020, and high time people of the comic world realize that those same skinny, nerdy, boys that no girls would talk, to are being replaced by 12-year-old girls who read these books and see themselves in the roles of Wonder Woman, Black Widow, Catwoman, and other heroes of womandom. They are demanding that these are allowed to take their rightful places in the Marvel/DC world.

Wow. Explosive! Look out world, 2020 could be the year of the Female Super Hero, in the comics, on the screen and even better, in the households of America. As Tony Stark might say, ‘I am Irony Man.’ Not to be confused with the Black Sabbath song of kind of the same name. Later.