By Tracy Lee
A few years ago, I saw a movie about anger management. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as anger management. You must forsake anger to experience peace.
A bereavement advisor visited me this week from a local hospice organization. He has a client who is suffering from extreme anger associated with her deceased mother. Although I do not know what motivates her anger, I do know that anger, if left unresolved, may bring on mental and/or physical illness and in extreme circumstances – death.
Anger is common among the bereaved.
It is generally brought on through anxiety, panic, and frustration.
It is important to properly direct anger at the grim reaper rather than toward others.
Realizing that the absence of your loved one has caused your emotional issues will help you move beyond the anger and develop the necessary skills for recovery.
The most dangerous adaptation to intense anger is to turn on oneself.
Mourners who inflict their anger on themselves run the risk of developing self-loathing and in more severe cases, may fall prey to suicide.
If you are suffering extreme anger for an extended time and find that you are unable to control yourself emotionally or physically, consider seeking immediate assistance.
Unfortunately, at time of death if issues remain unresolved recovery may be elusive.
While it is true that none of us is perfect, at the moment of death, imperfection is frozen.
Unfinished business remains unfinished.
Estrangement remains estranged.
Meanness remains mean, etc.
Death robs the living of the opportunity for resolution and blocks the comfort of peace.
In this case, the daughter who is experiencing extreme anger is facing an uphill battle within herself. Her mother is no longer accessible for her to work out their issues. She alone must accept and resolve her anger before it robs her of health, wealth, peace, and happiness. It is imperative that she seek counseling.
The power of extreme anger may cause one to inflict severe harm upon oneself. It may also cause extreme illnesses. It might bring on psychological damage that can spill over into other relationships. One’s wellbeing as a whole becomes jeopardized.
Although she may not realize it, this woman has sustained an injury to her soul.
Following the death of a loved one, there may be a significant need to reach out for emotional support.
This can be accomplished through a support group, an understanding cleric, a professional funeral practitioner, or a therapist.
How do you know if you need professional assistance?
If you find that you have unanswered questions or that you need a tool to help you cope with the loss, you might benefit from professional support.
When you break your limb, you go to a qualified care professional for proper wound care.
Why wouldn’t you go to a qualified care professional when your life has broken?
Qualified wound care is just as important for your soul as it is for your limb.
I have committed to assist the hospice bereavement advisor with his client. I hope to help her understand the magnitude and danger of her anger. Her mother is deceased and thereby unaffected by the daughter’s extreme anger. The daughter, however, is experiencing the pain and anguish associated with allowing her anger to continue. I hope I will be able to open her eyes to the miracle of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is a gift graciously given to us through the examples and teachings of Jesus Christ.
Anger and pain held close to our hearts cause extreme stress and toxins to build up within our bodies, minds, and souls.
Extreme stress and toxins invite illness and death to overtake us.
Forgiveness toward those who have wronged us, or toward ourselves for the wrongs we have inflicted, releases us from the ravages of evil and internal conflict.
By accepting the gift of forgiveness, we flood ourselves with the power to overcome, heal, and recover from any wrong, thrown or perpetrated.
Please open your soul to the “Miracle of Forgiveness.”
When all is said and done, if this daughter does not forgive either her mother or herself, she will eventually face consequences that are grave in nature. As a child, my mother taught me, “Grave or Glorious, consequences happen.” As I have grown from a child to a grandmother, I have tried to apply my mother’s words of wisdom in my life’s choices. Fortunately, when I have made mistakes, and grave consequences have materialized, I have had my mother’s guiding light, leading me to invoke the Miracle of Forgiveness.
Please open your soul to the “Miracle of Forgiveness.” Only through such action will you see the return of inner peace and health to your heart, mind, body, and soul.