It’s been canceled … thanks COVID-19

George Stahl

We are living in unprecedented times. How many times have you heard someone say that?

There are a variety of ways this virus has infiltrated our lives. I know you’ve heard that too.

On March 11, the World Health Organization declared coronavirus a pandemic. Days later on March 14, churches and places of worship are put on lockdown across the United States. April 12, one month after COVID-19 is labeled a pandemic, Easter comes to America.

The same day, something happened that had never happened in this or any other country’s history. Easter is canceled.

Cancel Easter? Really? An entire holiday has been told to you that will not happen this year or until further notice. Now, that is unprecedented.

It’s October, and this Saturday is Halloween, or at least it was last year. The night of scary ghouls, dreaded ghosts and monsters has been canceled. A lot of scary creatures are out of a job this weekend.

Frankenstein, Wolfman, Mummy, Dracula and the Creature from the Black Lagoon will join the unemployed of the COVID-19. States from Maine to California have canceled Trick-or-Treating and have said that no more than 10 monsters can gather in a household at one time.

No one has said how they will monitor that declaration, but sometimes the government can be scarier than anything that goes bump in the night. Probably best not to take any chances. Even the Witches of Salem wouldn’t go up against any of the witches on Capitol Hill. Now, that’s unprecedented.

What do we have next? November. Right. Thanksgiving. Not really a world holiday, it’s pretty much an American tradition. After all, the pilgrims only landed on one Plymouth Rock.

It’s a little early, but has there been any talk about what to do on Turkey Day? Well, word has it that the barnyards are all abuzz with turkeys petitioning that for the sake of the nation’s welfare and health, people too, the holiday should be canceled.

Dr. Anthony Fauci, the head of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases, said American families should bite the bullet and cancel their traditional Thanksgiving gatherings. When he urged families to cancel their plans, it was also reported that Fauci had taken money from A.M.T.A.G. (AMERICAN Turkey’s Against Thanksgiving). Both of those points are unprecedented.

OK, then, we come to one of the most important spiritual, not to mention the year’s most lucrative holiday. Christmas is only 57 days away.

The question is, will it be canceled? If so, what will that do to millions of people across the globe? In particular, a group living way up in the northern regions of the planet?

There are not many places out of work elves can go.

They might find a place in the yard with the gnomes, but that could cause problems with the gnomes already there. It is pretty well known that the two — elves and gnomes — do not get along.

For centuries, the elves from the north have acted superior to the common yard gnomes scattered throughout the world’s lawns and gardens. As the gnomes might say, ‘Karma baby!’

That’s just the tip of this possible Titanic iceberg. Canceling Christmas has more repercussions than an Elf-Gnome War. Although the potential carnage is pretty gross, even more devastating would be the worldwide ripple of no Christmas.

Think of it, no visits in the middle of the night down the chimney with care, no hoof sounds on the roof and sounds of nothing throughout the house. No cookies and milk on the table and no surprises under the tree.

The lights, shopping, bells ringing on the corners, and jolly old fat men are laughing seemingly at nothing in the streets and the malls. Silent church bells at midnight, no people beneath the steeple, and no baby in the manger? Cancel Christmas? Now that is unprecedented.

Fifty-seven days away, and if everyone is holding their breath behind their mask, what do you think is happening at one particular address in the North Pole, and even at another house a lot further north? COVID-19, unprecedented for sure! Sad? You bet. Scary?