Folks, things out on the campaign trail are just a heatin’ up.
I’d like to wish my opponent, Rescue Ranger Robbie, a quick and speedy recovery from his mishap the other night, and I know that the good Lord is hearin’ all our prayers and getting’ him fixed up so’s I can beat him fair and square!
Some of you know me, and that yes indeed I come from the Johnsondale Logging Camp. Why my daddy worked right beside Paul Bunyon himself and I grew up ridin’ logs for fun. Now, I’m runnin’ for the Keepers of the Kern, that organization that keeps our river banks clean and free from trash, especially after those big weekends where there are more “camp burritos” left over from than there flatlanders on Labor Day.
Look out for me folks, I’ll be around to bribe my way into office… one greenback at a time. Be prepared… as soon, my number one beauty secret “Ode to Twoilette” water will be available for sale just in time for Valentine’s Day. Me and my mule, Skeeter, might be ridin’ by soon, be on the look out for me and loosen up yer wallets folks, cause I got a pistol… Remember Pistol Packin’ Patty “Keepers of the Kern” and Rescue Ranger Robbie, my worthy opponent will be hittin’ you all up in the next few weeks.
– Pistol Packin’ Patty