A Message from Pistol Packin‘ Patty + Whiskey Flat Mayor Candidates Schedules

Photo by Ashley Loza / Kern Valley Sun – Pistol Packin’ Patty, running for the Keepers of the Kern explains the cause she is raising money for.

How do, folks! Yes, it’s me, your next Mayor of Whiskey Flat, Pistol Packin’ Patty, with news from the campaign trail, and folks…Whiskey Flat Days is just around the corner! Hope y’all can come up to Kernville on February 15-18 to celebrate this great event.

This last weekend had me a’gallopin’ all over the Flat, folks. Why I just hung on to Skeeter with one hand and the other on my pistol in the event that I might spot Rescue Ranger Robbie in my territory again, but I ain’t seen hide nor hair of that fellow lately. He’s a quiet one…the kind you gotta watch…good luck to him and all the little doggies he’s helpin’ with his campaign.
Well folks, Billy Bad, that “rubbish rascal,” is at it again, trashin’ the river banks and tryin’ to outsmart me and my “Keepers of the Kern Pickin’ Posse.” Why folks, he had the galls, yes, I said the galls…to show up at the Sorority Sisters’ monthly meeting where I had been strictly invited cause it’s so high falootin’, and I got class and all…anyway, I had my sidekicks Klondike Kell and Deadshot Deb on him like flies on…well, you know what I mean!

I skipped over to the Senior Dance one door down after the sorority meetin’ and had a good look at all them fine Senior Dancers in the room. Why I didn’t have a moment’s rest with all them fellas twirlin’ me around like a carnival ride. Next, after one night’s beauty sleep and a splash of ‘Ode to Twoilette’ water (available for 5 bucks), I was at the Kernville Saloon Friday night for Girl’s Night and Karaoke. There’s some fine singers in this town disguised as regular people! And…as fer dancin’, folks, I had more high kicks than an Eastern Sierra Mountain Goat. WHAT A NIGHT! Thank you, Jimmy Gordon for a great night, and Dyan for the Karaoke!

Next mornin’, I was all over town lookin’ fer auction items for my Spaghetti Dinner & Auction to be held this Saturday, February 2, at 5 p.m. at the Masonic Temple in Kernville on James Rd. Tickets are $10 each, includes dinner, one bribe, Rip Roarin’ Randy Fieber as auctioneer and a chance to bid on some great items donated by our generous community. C’mon out and escape cabin fever! See me or my posse fer tickets or come to Cheryl’s Diner any time.

Friday night, February 1, join me at Don Sombrero in Bodfish (yes, that’s really the name of the town) for dinner from 5-8 p.m.

Good luck to all you folks that bought squares for the Super Bowl…should be an exciting game!

Don’t forget, folks…my sidekick, Ma Ming from Harley Mine, will be serving “High Tea” on Sunday, February 10, at 5 p.m. with appetizers and desserts at the Kernville Museum’s Annex. Come and see the show, “Johnsondale Come to Life,” complete with a firsthand account written by my mother, Patty Henderson, in 2006, on the 40th anniversary of the 1966 flood. More events to come!

Signin’ off, folks!

Pistol Packin’ Patty