A Message from Pistol Packin‘ Patty

Photo by Tam Barbee / Kern Valley Sun – Whiskey Flat Mayor candidate Pistol Packin’ Patty gives a speech about her hometown, Johnsondale, at her High Tea event at the Kern Valley Museum Annex.

Howdy, folks! I sure hope our next encounter finds me crowned 2019 Mayor of Whiskey Flat! It sure has been a heck of a ride, and it ain’t over yet. I tell ya what, I’ve just about worn Skeeter out; what a fine mule he is takin’ me hither a’yon, over field and mountain, with only a snort.

Folks, a fine time was had at Mt. Mesa Lanes with young Gabby, a fine business owner on the likes of Annie Oakley, openin’ her doors so I could sell up my bribes and raffle tickets. Why they got fancy balls out there like I’ve never seen in Johnsondale. Deadshot Deb was in fine form, hitchin’ along and helpin’ me out along the way.

Boy, I got my hankerin’ for carne asada out of the way on Friday night with a stop at El Portal, and Flaco and Candace and their crew treated me like a queen on a throne! A real throne, not the outhouses I’m used to, mind you.

Next, I hit the Red Rooster, where the folks opened their wallets and pulled out all kinds of pictures of presidents in the form of money. What a generous place and warm atmosphere. I didn’t see squirrel on the menu, but I will not hold that against them.

Folks, you’re gettin’ to know me quite well, and I ain’t afeard of much, but there is one thing, and it ain’t Rescue Ranger Robbie, that I fear as much as a pile of trash on the Kern. It is cold and stormy weather uponst me as I’m ridin’ through the Flat and the fields, and on Saturday night, a storm was a-brewin’ up in the yonder canyon of Erskine Creek. I had peeked my head outside my tent and felt the chill to my bones, so I stayed in with a candle and began writin’ this letter to ya. I did not make it up to the Sportsman to see Gary and the Gang, although he’s been awful generous to me and my campaign. But!…It is not over yet, as I will stop there on Whiskey Flat weekend for an appearance.

On Sunday at 5:00, folks, there was a very special event held at the Kernville Museum Annex. Ma Ming, one of my side kicks, held a “High Tea” in my honor, complete with every manner of food and Chinese dumplings to boot. Ol’ Ma Ming is a good reminder of the folks that worked the mines up here in these parts. Check out the display at the museum that pays tribute to the Chinese that were here and worked so hard.

And speakin’ of the museum, they’ve got the history of this valley. My hometown, “Johnsondale Brought to Life,” was on display as a slideshow featuring me and my family and was presented to the enrapt audience. Frankly speaking, one of the best “moving pictures” I’ve seen in a long time.

Now, folks, the race is windin’ down, but the trail is heatin’ up…it ain’t over yet, and that Rescue Ranger Robbie better know…I’m hot on his trail, and I aim to win this here Mayor’s Race, even if it’s by a hair, and I mean even a dog hair.

And I gotta say, the folks in this valley are more generous than the cheese giveaway on the first of the month, and I know, as I was raised on the government cheese. So for now, I’ll sign off and hope to see you on Whiskey Flat weekend this upcoming Friday, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. I’ll see you at the Circle Park Gazebo on Sunday at 3 p.m. when I’m announced…Mayor of Whiskey Flat 2019!

Signin’ off, Yours Truly,
-Pistol Packin’ Patty